Four Years...That Was Quite A Vacation!

My last post was written a little over four years ago. I never intended to be away for four years. Then again, I never thought in a million years what a life-changing surgery could do for a person. I always thought that term, "life-changing" was just a saying, so I said it. I did not realize when I said it I actually meant it. Then again, nobody ever does.

I know I am being extremely vague. This is intentional. I want this page to be about my literary musings, about the things I am reading and writing, not about my disability. There, I said it. Yes, I am disabled now. Life changing to say the least. But now that it's out there, I guess I have to explain what happened.

Four years ago I decided to have a breast reduction and breast lift. Was it medically necessary? I think so. I had severe back pain. I didn't heal properly, so I had to have the surgery again a few months later. Still not healed properly (but I was happy with the results and I didn't really care what I looked like), my surgeon decided to put me under one more time for a scar revision surgery. Well, that's when things went downhill. Apparently three breast surgeries in two years was too much for my body to handle. My body went into some type of traumatic shock from this, and I haven't been the same since.

I developed a condition called dysautonomia, which is a malfunction of the autonomic nervous system. Apparently I have had this condition all of my life, but it was dormant in my body. The trauma from the surgeries ignited the symptoms. This condition took away my brain function for close to a year, and I could not read or write at all. That's the main reason I haven't been on this site. I wasn't able to read or write for a long time. But notice how I wrote this very sentence- in the past tense. "I wasn't able to" not "I am not able to." It has been a very long road to recovery, but I am slowly getting better because I am learning to manage my condition. And my brain eventually got better, despite the fact that I still live with a condition of the central nervous system. I still have issues with hydrocephalus, which causes extreme pain, and I still have some issues with brain fog, memory, and comprehension. Physically I am also not able to stand for long periods of time, and sometimes I need assistance walking. Basically, dysautonomia to me means I am allergic to standing up. That's the easiest way to explain it.

I am adjusting to a new normal. I am once again daring to imagine a different life. But enough time has passed that I am finally ready to get my words back out there in the world. Thank you for being patient these past four years while I found my new way of living. Welcome back to my literary musings.